5 Rules For An Undeniably More Self-Confident You!

5 Rules For An Undeniably More Self-Confident You, from xoalwaysrae.com

You are awesome. You are talented. You are smart. You are beautiful. 

This I'm sure you already know somewhere deep, deep down inside, but for whatever reason you don't portray this to the world. You hide yourself. You bury your awesomeness. You make yourself meek and small and forgettable. Harsh? Maybe. True? Yes.

But why? Why do this when you have so much to offer the world?

We want to see how amazing you are!

I'll answer these questions for you. You hide your epicness because you're afraid. You're afraid to shine because your light may rub someone else's eyes the wrong way. You're afraid to put yourself out there because what if you're left out there alone? You're afraid to climb to the top because you'll have to leave others not worthy of your awesomeness at the bottom. 

Sounds familiar, right? Yeah, I know because I did the EXACT same thing. 

For 24 years, I hid myself from the world. Don't look at me, please. Don't mind me. I have nothing valuable to offer (although, I knew that was a lie).

I knew I had talent. I knew I had a strong voice that would add value to the world. I knew me, myself, and I were worthy enough to be seen and heard. But my fear stopped me.

I used to be incredibly shy, but I don't have the luxury of being shy and meek and small anymore. I chose a career path for myself that requires me to be confident and put myself out there. I'm on the path of being a writer/singer/entrepreneur/speaker - ain't nobody got time for shyness.

A lack of self-confidence breeds fear. When you're confident, fear is nothing but a small voice in your head trying to keep you down. Always remember that self-confidence is so much more powerful than fear. 

You know you're awesome. I know you're awesome. Now, let's show the world that you're awesome. Here are 5 actions I implemented in my life that took me from shy to confident (and I think my friends would say even a tad bit sassy):


I should just drop the mic after this one because it's without a doubt the number one action that has sky rocketed my self-confidence. I originally got this idea from Kimora Lee Simon's book Fabulosity: What It Is & How To Get It. I think I was around 15 at the time when I read it, and it was groundbreaking to me. Kimora basically explains that do whatever you need to do to be the best version of you. That means slapping on a smile when you feel down, presenting yourself in a fabulous manner even when inside you feel like crap, and acting the way the ideal version of yourself would act. Basically, keep digging deep to find the confidence within you until it becomes so natural that you don't have to try or think about it anymore - confidence will just exude from you!

#LifeLessonLearned: You don't have to play small or be fake. Make an effort to show the world your true uniqueness and personality every day, no matter what. Keep working on being the fabulous you that you know you can be.  


Continuing on with the theme of faking it, there's something magical that happens to your confidence when you dress for where you want to be in life rather than where you currently are. Recently, I decided to "rebrand" myself and come up with a personal style that will be my signature look. Though I'm still playing around with it, I have noticed that now because I dress like a confident, assured woman, I stand a little bit taller and smile a little bit bigger. Heck, I'll even talk to strangers now when I'm standing in line to get coffee!

#LifeLessonLearned: Do not underestimate the power of clothing. Find your style. Find what makes you feel the most like you and don't be afraid to confidently rock it.


Self-deprecating can be cute sometimes, but it's not cute when you're always putting yourself down, especially just to get a little laugh from others. You ever notice when someone compliments us we try to downplay it? "I love your hair today, your curls look really nice?" "Ugh, no my hair is super dry. I seriously need to deep condition it tonight." *blank stare* Just take the compliment and say THANK YOU! Don't try to make yourself seem less epic than you are! For what? Let people appreciate you. The more you do that the more you'll learn to appreciate yourself. When you stop downplaying how great you are, you'll be able to build up your confidence. 

#LifeLessonLearned: If people notice your light, just shine it brighter. Never dim your greatness for the comfort of others and at the expense of yourself. 


Just like you should speak kindly about yourself, you should always, always, ALWAYS speak kindly to yourself. Self-talk is so incredibly important!! For the past few months, I've been frustrated with my body. Ever time I looked in the mirror I spoke poorly of my figure and how I wish I had tanner, clearer skin. How vain of me, right?  I also would get so mad at myself when I didn't stick to my schedule or did something wrong at work. I realized, though, that by constantly critiquing and criticizing myself, I was lowering my self-esteem which made me feel less confident around others. 

#LifeLessonLearned: Talk to yourself the way you would want others to talk to you. Only you can truly build yourself up, so get to building. 


Okay now I'm really going to drop mic but first I want you to hear me on this one: You are who you spend your time with! If you're surrounding yourself with people who are afraid to put themselves out there, are more dreamers than doers, and pretend that they have the answers but really have no clue what they're talking about then I'm sorry to say that you're confidence level will probably stay at rock bottom. You absolutely, 100% need to surround yourself people who understand your vision, are supportive, and most of all are doing what you want to do. It is not okay for you to be the smartest person in your group of friends, because how will your confidence ever grow like that? With challenges comes a new way of thinking and new skills which breeds confidence. I promise you.

#LifeLessonLearned: Find people who push you, who challenge you, and who school you. Soak up their determination and let it drive you to a higher level of confidence.

What are some other killer things you do that help you be confident 24/7? I would love to know! Leave me your tips + tricks in the comments :)

xo always, RAE