You Are Enough (Even If Love Isn't)
I wrote about my personal story of love lost and when I realized it was time to let go because love was not enough. The more I started writing about how love is not enough to keep two people together, the more I thought about the concept of enough, as it relates to us as individuals.
There are have been many times in my life where I simply just did not feel like I was enough. Call it insecurity, inferiority, or a messy, jumbled mixture of both. I compared myself to other women a lot and felt that deep sting of jealousy + envy deep down in my belly. "Why not me?", I thought. "What do they have that I don't?"
I've never felt the feeling of not being enough more than I did when I was cheated on in previous relationships. Very simply put, it sucked.
Being cheated on by your partner is one of the most painful experiences. When I found out, I was left feeling confused and devastated. I now question everything: was any of it real or was it all just a lie?
But really, the biggest question I am left with is: WHY WAS I NOT ENOUGH?
Why was I not good enough to be enough? Was I not sexy enough, funny enough, pretty enough, or cool enough? Did I not do enough, say enough, or care enough? I ran my mind ragged trying to figure out what it was that deemed me as not good enough for it just to be me and him, not me and him, and her, and her, and oh yeah, her too. My mind + heart couldn't put the pieces of the puzzle together.
Being cheated on has the power to steal your happiest memories and replace them with speculation and doubt. Your mind tortures you every time you think back and wonder, was that girl really just a friend? Was that ex still just an ex?
I don't know if the pain of being cheated on can ever be unfelt or forgotten. What I do know, though, is that cheating has very little to do with you and everything to do with the person that cheated.
I know this now but I wish I knew this before.
I was consumed with my thoughts of not being good enough, so I tried to change myself to be enough. I changed how I acted, how I spoke, and how I dressed. I pretended to be someone different, someone who I thought would be enough for someone else. Wrong approach. A very, very wrong approach.
I didn't become enough, I became less. I lost myself.
Don't be like me. Don't lose who you are for the comfort of another person. I'm telling you that you are enough! You don't have to change the essence of who you are because who you are is unique and beautiful and you need to understand that. Really take that in:
WHO YOU ARE RIGHT NOW IS ENOUGH.
You are enough to be loved. You are enough to be cherished. You are enough to be praised. You are enough just the way you are, right here, right now.
The person that hurt you, that lied to you, went behind your back and cheated on you - they are the ones who are not enough for you. Yes, they are deserving of love, but they are not deserving of your love - not yet, not right now.
They acted out because, somewhere deep down, whether they will admit it or not, they felt like they weren't enough.
I believe cheating and betrayal is really just a reflection of a bigger underlying issue, whether it be a lack of self-love, self-discipline, or self-respect.
There's a continuum of selflessness and selfishness that we all fall on; some people just fall more towards the selfish side than others. That's okay though, because the sooner you realize that people are going to do what they want when they want, the better off you'll be.
You can't control another person, you can only control yourself. No matter what another person does to you, you have full control over how you feel. You should always feel like you are enough, even if their actions try to make you feel otherwise.
Even though it hurts, and no amount of words can take back what already happened, just remember that it's not you, it's them. Really.
You are a diamond. Keep shining. Never let anyone make you feel less than the gem that you are.
you are enough. period.